Split Personalities: XMen Evolution Version
by happymaximus
Summary: A few of our x-friends get confused as to who they are... The Professor's sending himself flowers, Logan's serving up pudding, and will no one stop Kitty Pryde from taking over the Earth?
1. Everything's coming up roses

Disclaimer: Yes, I own X-Men: Evolution... but only in my dreams... *wistful sigh*... (Hey, Posy, wanna know what I want for Christmas?)... That goes for Gundam Wing, Hamtaro, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Card Captors, Dragon Ball Z, Barbie, and Ninja Turtles.  
  
  
Oooooo-kay!! Welcome to Split Personalities: X-Men Evolution Version. This is a joint project with Posypanco who's writing Split Personalities: Gundam Wing Version (plugging! plugging!). Here's the low-down. What if the X-Men: Evolution voice actors got their lines and personalities confused with the one's of all the other characters they play on TV?  
  
  
Scott's VA also talks for: Trowa from Gundam Wing, the Nutcracker/Prince Eric from Barbie in the Nutcracker, and Michaelangelo from Ninja Turtles: the Next Mutation  
  
Kurt's VA also talks for: Quatre from Gundam Wing and Maxwell from Hamtaro  
  
Kitty's VA also talks for: Madison from Card Captors and Mariemaia Khushrenada from the Gundam Wing movie Endless Waltz  
  
Wolverine's VA also talks for: Duo from Gundam Wing, Piccolo from DBZ, and Hermey the Elf, Yukon Cornelius, and Coach Comet from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer  
  
Professor X's VA also talks for: Treize Khushrenada from Gundam Wing and Hugo the dragon from Barbie as Rapunzel  
  
Angel's VA also talks for: Heero from Gundam Wing  
  
Alex Summers' VA also talks for: Keroberos from Card Captors and Raphael from Ninja Turtles: the Next Mutation  
  
Wanda's VA also talks for: Barbie from Barbie in the Nutcracker and Barbie as Rapunzel  
  
  
Heeeeeere's Chapter One!  
  
  
** Split Personalities: X-Men Evolution Version, Chapter One  
  
  
** Just another day at the Institute. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the laser-cannons were blasting... Yes, our heroes were busy training in the notorious Danger Room.  
  
I want a 32-14 behind those cannons! A 63-46-21 at those mechanical arms! A 92-11-alpha-mega-hawk-eagle-falcon around that blast field! Let's move, move, move, MOVE!!  
  
Yessir! Vait... vas it a 23-41 behind zee cannons? A 46-21-63 at zee arms? A big birdee around zee field?  
  
No, no! We need..., but the rest was drowned out by the furious and chaotic battle that was raging. Jean was trying to plug a blast cannon with a mind-bubble, causing it to explode and hurl her across the room. Rogue was dodging metal arms, but was promptly whacked on the head. Evan was flinging spikes at anything that moved, including Kitty, who yelped and fell/phased through a mechanical, laser-shooting something-or-other which caused it to twist and turn like a giant earthworm in its last squirm before death, shooting electric sparks everywhere as it lost momentum.  
  
The session, needless to say, ended somewhat unsuccessfully.  
  
This is so not working, groaned Kitty.  
  
I'll second that, said Jean, wincing with pain.  
  
Someone should tell him to lay off the military documentaries; we worked just fine before, said Evan.  
  
One team member, who was coming out of a coma to a whompin' headache, replied with generosity, Ah'm not gonna do it. But ah'd be glad to straggle   
  
Zat's zee pain talking, Rogue, said Kurt; then to the others, Vee should all tell him.  
  
They trooped over to where Scott was surveying the damage. His back was turned to them, and he stood very still all of a sudden. What they didn't see was his eyes (hidden behind his visor) glaze over for a second.  
  
Mein fruend, might we have a word? ventured Kurt.  
  
Evan followed with Dude, this new coded-battle-plan thing of yours is totally crampin' us.  
  
Yeah, Scott, said Kitty, can't we just, like, train like we always have? Scott?  
  
Scott hadn't moved or said a word through all of this. But he turned now and faced his team mates.   
  
My name is not Scott. I am a nameless soldier who has been on the battlefield for as long as I can remember.  
  
Kitty's jaw dropped, Rogue blinked, Kurt made an sound, and Evan looked baffled.   
  
Jean said, Scott, are you alright?  
  
I'm fine. But if you must call me something, call me No-name.  
  
No, your name is Scott Summers. You're a student here at the Xavier Institute and one of the X-Men.  
  
Scott Summers?  
  
said Jean, hoping he would remember.  
  
I was feeling insecure without a name. I don't mine taking his.  
  
Everyone did a terrific job of looking dumbfounded, except for Jean who did her best worried-about-you expression.  
  
I think our fearless leader has, how do you say in America?, lost it.  
  
He's gone off the deep end, y'all.  
  
Whoa, Scott's, like, gone completely psycho.  
  
Man, he's a few fries short of a happy meal.  
  
This is serious, guys, said Jean, I sense Scott's mind, but it's... different. Like another personality or something. She paused. We need the Professor.  
  
Go for it, encouraged Kurt.  
  
Jean closed her eyes out of habit and concentrated on reaching the professor. She searched everywhere for his mind but just couldn't find it. _What is going on here?_ she thought.  
  
I can't find him, she told the others.  
  
came the resounding cry.  
  
Whadya mean, ya can't find demanded Rogue.   
  
I can't locate his mind, Jean answered more calmly than she felt. We'll have to go look for him and find out what's going on. Scott--  
  
The nameless soldier', Evan interjected, jerking a thumb at Scott, who was leaning against a danger room wall with his arms crossed.  
  
SCOTT will have to stay here until we can find the Professor. Kurt, can we trust you to stay with him?  
  
Sure thing. I'll keep him out of trahble. Heh, heh, never thought I'd be saying zat about Cyclops.  
  
Jean turned to the remaining X-crew. Let's go find the Professor. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle.  
  
And so, leaving Scott in the capable hands of their fuzzy blue comrade, the rest of the X-Men exited the danger room in search of their bald-headed mentor. When they discovered that he was nowhere in the underground level, they took the elevator upstairs to the mansion.   
  
Hey guys, over here! called Evan from a little ways down a hall. He stooped to pick something up and turned to show it to the rest of them.  
  
A rose? said Kitty, Is that supposed to be a clue?  
  
Maybe not, but look down there! exclaimed Rogue, pointing.  
  
They followed her gaze to the end of the hall where someone had decorated the entire place with roses, roses, roses! Great bunches of them were everywhere and rose petals covered the carpet.   
  
Somebody had a field day, said Jean, and outside the Professor's bedroom!  
  
This is so weird, said Kiity.  
  
Come on! said Rogue.  
  
The rest quickly followed her down the hall to the Professor's room, none knowing what they would find. The door was partly open.  
  
Professor? Hello, are you in there? called Jean.  
  
A voice from inside was heard saying, Friends of yours, Lady Une? Do let them in. Then Ororo came to the door and greeted the youngsters with The Professor's not feeling well, children, he seems to have completely forgotten who he is.  
  
That's the same thing that happened to Scott! Kitty told the weather witch.  
  
  
  
Yeah, Aunty O, said Evan, we were in the danger room, and right after the session ended, Scott got all freaky on us; he didn't even know his name.  
  
Oh, dear, said Ororo, surveying their expressions, And where is Kurt?  
  
We had him stay with Scott, answered Jean, Please, may we see the Professor?  
  
No... no, I think that would be unwise-- began Ororo, but she was cut off by Rogue, who pushed past her into the room.  
  
C'mon Storm, it ain't like we're catchin' im with his shorts dow--  
  
The rest filed into the room and peered around the Goth to see what had stopped her short. And it wasn't a pretty sight. It was a sight to make young children cry, little old ladies shiver in their nighties, and grown men run away screaming. It was a sight to haunt even the bravest heart every night for eternity. It was not something you would wish upon even the foulest of enemies.   
  
Okay, okay, it was the Professor in a bubble bath. But still more disturbing was the rose scent wafting from the foamy water. The room was filled with more bunches and garlands of roses than any greenhouse, and the Professor, well, he looked perfectly content.  
  
He addressed them with his eyes closed.  
  
New cadets? Very good. I hope that you will all work hard for Oz. Put your heart into every battle and you will always have reason to be proud. Ah, but war is beautiful and noble...  
  
Kitty half-whispered, half-squeaked to the others, Did we just hear the Prof say war is beautiful'?  
Evan replied, Yeah. Seriously weird. And who's Oz?  
  
The man is sitting in a bubble bath, said Rogue incredulously.  
  
It's the same thing as with Scott. His mind is... changed somehow, remarked Jean.  
  
An' what's that smell? Rose scented water?!  
  
I fear that the Professor is in no condition to see you now, children, said Ororo.  
  
Ah mean, look at all those sissy bubbles!  
  
Everyone:   
  
  
  
Lady Une, said the Professor with his eyes still closed, I want Minister Dorlain taken care of... oh, and bring me more rose scent for my bath.  
  
Everyone: . . . . .   
  
  
A/N: Many apologies for subjecting you to that... that... CORN. Just a crazy idea I had to get out of my system, irregardless of whether I can write or not. Who else will go nuts? *rubs hands together and chuckles* Well, stay tuned; we're gonna find out!


	2. There's always room for Jello pudding

Disclaimer: The X-Men do not belong to me, and neither do the Gundam Wing characters, but I've been so very good this year that maybe... *visions of copyrights dance in my head*  
  
  
** Split Personalities: X-Men Evolution Version, Chapter Two  
  
  
**Like, what're we gonna do? asked Kitty, once they were all out in the hall.  
  
I'm afraid there's not much we can do, except wait for the Professor and Scott to regain their memories, replied Ororo.  
  
How long will that take? asked Rogue.  
  
I don't know, child  
  
It can take amnesia patients months to remember things, said Jean, Sometimes its gradual, and sometimes its all at once, if there's a strong enough mental trigger. But these aren't typical amnesia patients...  
  
No kidding, interjected Evan, They both think they're someone else! And what made them go whacko in the first place?  
  
Oh, no, cried Kitty, do you think... that we could be next?  
  
Don' say things like that! exclaimed Rogue.  
  
Let's not worry needlessly, Kitty, said Ororo soothingly, I'm going take the Professor to sick bay where we can do some tests and monitor him. Jean, would you please contact Kurt and tell him to bring Scott to sick bay as well?  
  
Jean nodded and focused her powers on reaching Kurt. She couldn't find him! When she told the others, they became very nervous.  
  
Go and find them, Ororo said quietly.  
  
The four young mutants ran down the hall in the direction of the elevator. Once there, Jean pushed the button to open the door.  
  
Ugh, what's this? Something goopy had gotten on her fingers and was all over the button. Rogue leaned closer to inspect the substance.   
  
Looks like pudding.  
  
Okay, like, who put pudding on the elevator button? wondered Kitty.  
  
No one had time to guess, because the next moment, they were being attacked! A projectile came flying towards them. Evan flung a spike at the thing, causing it to burst and spew chocolate pudding everywhere, most particularly all over Kitty and Rogue.  
  
Ugh! Oh, ick! A pudding balloon?!  
  
Aw, man, ah jus' washed my hair last night.  
  
BU-WA-HA-HA-HA!! The God of Death strikes again!! echoed through the halls as a short, muscular figure ran away.  
  
Was that LOGAN?! exclaimed Evan.  
  
But he's not anywhere near here, said the telepath,   
  
Oh, no, we've got another psycho on our hands, moaned Rogue.  
  
Rogue, Kitty, you two go after Logan while Evan and I get Scott and Kurt, said Jean.  
  
Kitty called over her shoulder, as the two girls rushed after their crazed instructor. They rounded a corner and were halfway down the hall when Kitty stopped in her tracks. Her eyes glazed over for a second, and then returned to normal.  
  
Kitty, what're ya stoppin' for? asked Rogue.  
  
Kitty began walking deliberately away from Rogue. Rogue, needless to say, became nervous.  
  
Hey, where're ya goin'?  
  
I'm carrying out the will of my father, Kitty said, seemingly to herself.  
  
Kitty! Don' tell me you've gone batty!  
  
Kitty turned sharply, making Rogue jump, narrowed her eyes and said harshly, Watch yourself! I've been chosen to lead the Earth Sphere Unified Nation. I won't allow rude comments.  
  
Rogue was at a complete loss as Kitty rushed away down the hall. When she regained her composure, it was too late. Kitty was gone. She ran this way and that looking for her not-quite-sane room mate, but the girl seemed to have disappeared.  
  
_Great! _she thought, _Jus' great. First Scott, then the Prof, LOGAN, and now Kitty! Who's next? _  
  
Shall we answer her question? *evil chuckle*  
  
Jean and Evan had reached the danger room. And they were shocked at what they found. Scott and Kurt had procured from somewhere a flute and a violin and were happily playing a duet. They ignored their friends calling their names and continued to play, eyes closed, perfectly content.  
  
Oh, man, not Kurt, groaned Evan.  
  
Jean and Evan were discussing whether to physically move the two musicians to the sick bay right then, or wait until they took a break from their musical stylings, when Rogue rushed in, out of breath.  
  
It's (huff, huff) Kitty. She thinks (huff, huff) she's the leader of (huff, huff) the United Earth Circle or somethin'...  
  
Oh, great! shouted Evan, obviously vexed, How're we supposed to get Fiddle-boy, No-name, the Pudding Bomber, AND her Royal Roundness to sick bay?  
  
Jean sighed, Maybe Ororo can help us. She focused on reaching the weather witch and was relieved to find her.  
  
_Ororo?  
  
Yes, Jean?  
  
It's confirmed. Kurt is not himself, and neither are Logan nor Kitty. Scott and Kurt are still here in the danger room, but the other two... we need help finding and bringing to sick bay.  
  
I'm sorry, Jean, but I have my hands full trying to get the Professor out of his... room. I will be with you as soon as I can.  
  
_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ororo: Professor-- I mean, your Excellency, please get out of the tub and get dressed. You're not well.  
  
Professor X: Ridiculous, Lady Une. And how many times must I tell you the importance of exfoliating...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jean turned to the others and said, She's still busy with the Professor. We're going to have to do this.  
  
screamed Evan, This is so STUPID! Why'd they have to go crazy on us?  
  
Shuddup, Porcupine, it ain't their fault!  
  
Yeah, well, I say we just leave em where they are and wait for them to come to their senses.  
  
Nobody asked you! And we ain't aimin' to!  
  
Guys, guys! interrupted Jean, Calm down. We're all a little uptight, but there's no reason to take it out on each other.  
  
What's taking them to sick bay gonna do anyway? demanded Evan, You said it yourself, what they need is a trigger.  
  
Ah'll give you a trigger, growled Rogue, We're takin' em to sick bay, and that's all there is to it.  
  
We shouldn't be fighting, you guys! cried Kurt all of a sudden, It's not right!  
  
Silence.  
  
Uh, Kurt's lost his accent, noted Evan.  
  
It's all my fault, sighed Kurt, I shouldn't have been playing the violin while you were getting angry at each other... Let's join forces.  
  
No one knew what to say to this odd little speech, except a certain pudding-flinging God of Death' who had just walked in.  
  
If you leave him alone, Quatre always takes the blame himself for everything, said Logan, I wouldn't be surprised if one day he started saying that his lack of effort is the reason there's no air in outer space.  
  
There were confused stares on the part of Jean, Rogue, and Evan. Suddenly, up on a large monitor screen in the observation room, visible to all, appeared Kitty's face.   
  
We at colony L3-X18-999 hereby wish to declare our independence from the Earth Sphere Unified Nation, and at the same time, declare war against the nation. My name is Mariemaia Khushrenada. I am the daughter of Treize Khushrenada. I'm carrying out my father's will.  
  
Jean: This is a madhouse.  
  
  
A/N: More out-of-character nonsense coming soon! Be sure to read Split Personalities: Gundam Wing Version by Posypanco... it's just as wonderfully corny as this one! 


	3. Absolute power corrupts, Kitty

Disclaimer: Me? Own the X-Men and Gundam Wing characters? Nooooo..... but it could happen, right? RIGHT?? And Barbie and Ken? They were invented by some lady who may not even be around anymore, so they belong to Mattel, I guess.  
  
  
Scott's VA also talks for: Trowa from Gundam Wing, the Nutcracker/Prince Eric from Barbie in the Nutcracker, and Michaelangelo from Ninja Turtles: the Next Mutation  
  
Kurt's VA also talks for: Quatre from Gundam Wing and Maxwell from Hamtaro  
  
Kitty's VA also talks for: Madison from Card Captors and Mariemaia Khushrenada from the Gundam Wing movie Endless Waltz  
  
Wolverine's VA also talks for: Duo from Gundam Wing, Piccolo from DBZ, and Hermey the Elf, Yukon Cornelius, and Coach Comet from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer  
  
Professor X's VA also talks for: Treize Khushrenada from Gundam Wing and Hugo the dragon from Barbie as Rapunzel  
  
Angel's VA also talks for: Heero from Gundam Wing  
  
Alex Summers' VA also talks for: Keroberos from Card Captors and Raphael from Ninja Turtles: the Next Mutation  
  
Wanda's VA also talks for: Barbie from Barbie in the Nutcracker and Barbie as Rapunzel  
  
Blob's VA also talks for: random soldiers in Gundam Wing  
  
  
** Split Personalities: X-Men Evolution Version, Chapter Three**  
  
  
cried Logan, Treize's daughter?  
  
It's all my fault! wailed Kurt, I've taken away our only means of fighting back! It was me who suggested sending the Gundams into the sun!   
  
. . . . said Scott  
  
Oh, great, said the remaining three together.   
  
History is much like an endless waltz, continued Kitty, up on the monitor, The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever. However, history will change upon the day of my coronation. I will be on the top of the Earth Sphere, and the dawn of a new age will arrive. I will rule the world.  
  
Evan spoke up.  
  
Okay, let's recap. The Professor's sending himself flowers, Scott's renamed himself Scott', Kurt's babbling about gundams', Logan's turned prankster, and Kitty wants to take over the planet. Can anything ELSE happen?  
  
Suddenly, there was a tremendous jolt in the foundations of the Institute. The mutants all struggled to keep their balance. Then, the whole place was moving... downwards! Down, down they went, deep underground, until the Institute locked in place. Kitty smiled and giggled up on screen.  
  
Now my castle is completely protected.  
  
How'd she do that? cried Rogue incredulously.  
  
I have no idea, said Jean, I wonder how deep underground we are.   
  
We're probably halfway to China! exclaimed Evan, Let's stop her before she does something like that again.  
  
I'm going after the Gundams! declared Kurt.  
  
Alright, Quatre, said Logan, but meanwhile, we'll steal a couple of her Mobile Suits and--  
  
She's planning to initiate Operation: Meteor, interrupted Scott.  
  
What?! You mean she's actually gonna go through with it?  
  
The three X-Men who had not lost their minds looked on completely bewildered.  
  
Rogue: Operation: Meteor?   
  
Evan: Let's not ask.  
  
Jean: Let's just get to Kitty.  
  
But before they could go anywhere, the danger room doors opened to reveal... the New Recruits! All decked out in pink soldier uniforms, with the letter M' stitched on one sleeve. They were giggling while trying to remain serious.  
  
Hee, hee, laughed Jaimee, I like this training exercise.  
  
Can it, Jaimee! shushed Bobby, then to the six older mutants before him, Surrender, interlopers!  
  
'Surrender, interlopers?' repeated Jubilee, guffawing.  
  
I thought it sounded, you know, dashing.  
  
You don't want to sound dashing; you want to sound tough.  
  
Surrender, infidel?  
  
Too brainy.  
  
Surrender, traitors?  
  
shouted Jean. She had their attention. What are you doing?  
  
Bringing you to Queen Mariemaia! they replied joyfully.  
  
What's wrong with y'all? demanded Rogue, That's Kitty up in the control room.  
  
Yeah, but... said Amara, confused.  
  
But what?  
  
Aw, Rogue, you're no fun, said Roberto, We're supposed to be roleplaying.  
  
  
  
replied Ray, You guys are the rebels, and we're the Queen's loyal troops. We've caught you, so surrender already.  
  
Look, man, said Evan, we're not surrendering, and this is not a training exercise. In fact--  
  
Evan, Rogue, and Jean found themselves surrounded by Scott, Kurt, and Logan.  
  
No problems here, Scott reported to Bobby, We were just taking care of these intruders.  
  
mused Bobby, that's the word I was looking for!  
  
We'll go with ya and deliver them to Queen Mariemaia personally, said Logan, saluting.  
  
That's it! said Tabitha. She turned to the three uncooperative captives, See, Wolverine is playing along.  
  
Being outnumbered and at a complete loss of what to do, Jean, Evan, and Rogue followed the newer X-Men out of the danger room. Logan, Scott, and Kurt brought up the rear. The former trio could hear them conversing quietly.  
  
When we get to the control room, we'll have to stabilize the colony, whispered Scott.  
  
No time to retrieve the Gundams now, Quatre, whispered Logan.  
  
Camel's spit! Kurt muttered under his breath.  
  
They arrived in the control room, and Kitty greeted them.  
  
You can't stop me. I will be victorious. I'm carrying out my father's wishes.  
  
You're crazy is what you are, said Rogue.  
  
Don't make me repeat myself. I will not allow rude comments.  
  
Kitty, please try to remember-- Jean began hopelessly.  
  
Suddenly a masked figure appeared on all the screens in the control room. It was the winged crusader, Angel!  
  
Wing Zero! exclaimed Kurt.  
  
cried Jubilee, Even Angel's joining us for this one!  
  
Let me confirm, he said, Your shelter is secure, is it?  
  
Of course it is! declared Kitty, See for yourself how powerless you are!  
  
Angel: Roger that.  
  
Kitty: *gasp*  
  
Angel flew up high and commenced dive-bombing towards the Institute, or what he could see of it, a gigantic metal shield hiding the building underneath the ground.  
  
He's gonna self-detonate! exclaimed Logan.  
  
What a miserable person! said Kitty, obviously afraid, He's... he's not going to be able to achieve anything!  
  
Angel's cracked, too! said Evan, And he's suicidal!  
  
Even the New Recruits were looking worried; their fun spoiled by too much realism. But thankfully, Angel pulled up before hitting the huge metal door.  
  
Something's wrong, they heard him say, I can't detonate. Mission failed. I've failed.  
  
Ororo called, rushing into the room, The Professor is alright!  
  
What? How? asked Jean.  
  
All he needed was a good, firm whack on the head.  
  
Jean, Rogue, and Evan looked at each other, then looked at Kitty. Then they pounced.  
  
Get   
  
Hold her!  
  
Gimme something to whack her!  
  
Bobby, sensing that this was important, produced an ice club for them.  
  
*Thump* Kitty was out cold (no pun intended).  
  
Then they turned on the other three. Scott leaped up high and twisted and flipped crazily in the air, but Jean caught him with her telekinesis, and he was promptly whacked. Then it was Kurt's turn. And then, Logan's.  
  
C'mon, Wolverine, said Evan, time to take a little rest.  
  
Logan folded his arms. If you're joking, that's cruel, but if you're being sarcastic, that's even worse.  
  
He was quickly silenced.  
  
Soon, things returned to normal. Angel was cured and went home to New York City. The New Recruits apologized sheepishly to Jean, Evan, and Rogue. The team members who had been behaving so strangely were told all about the trouble they had caused and were incredulous.  
  
But meanwhile, at the Brotherhood house...  
  
Yessir, I will fight bravely for Oz, sir.  
  
Blob, what're you talking about?  
  
Roger that and good luck to you, Colonel Zechs.  
  
Blob's gone crazy, yo.  
  
Oh, NO!! It's a GUNDAAAAAAAAM!!  
  
  
  
Will someone shut him up before I hex bolt him?!  
  
  
A/N: Hee, hee, this is fun. (For me at least!) I've even got some reviews! Yay!! Lots more nonsense coming up. We all need a good, healthy dose of corn in our lives. And cheese. Cheese is good.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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